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I never thought I’d see the day that watching a man jerk off would become commonplace. It used to be quite novel to see a man stroke himself to orgasm, but now it takes more to amuse me.

(If you’re too busy humping to read, click here to listen!)

Which is why I love making you edge and beg–and then give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down on whether you can have an orgasm. (I’ll give you one guess which thumb I love the most.) Then there’s toys–toys in all of your orifices–and other objects such as bananas and cucumbers. CBT is always nice and amusing, not to mention costly for you.

But there is one thing I find truly pathetic (and thus endlessly amusing): requiring you to hump something for your orgasm.

It reminds me of some desperate dog with a gleeful glazed look on his face, panting away. That’s exactly how you look, you know. Once your pee pee gets hard, you lose all respect for yourself and will do anything to get off, including hump a teddy bear or your wife’s panties.

Perhaps you take the term “fuck me heels” literally and decide to fuck your wife’s shoes! Nothing like watching you lick jizz off her shiny pumps (onto which you’ve pumped more than a few times).

It’s the perfect way to keep me from becoming bored with you. Simply look around your home for something you’re sure I’ve never seen anyone hump, then call me and entertain me.

Can you imagine my delighted fits of laughter when I watch you hump random objects then lick your cum off them? Pick up that phone and let’s play!