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Does this look like a good masturbation aid?

Hmmm….just round off these holes a little, and stick your cock right in!

So tell me. Do you ever drive down the roads in your neighborhood this time of year, passing all of those glowing pumpkins on the porches and think…..

Hmmm….I could really use a Jack-o-lantern blow job!

Well, you may think I’m pulling all kinds of strange scenarios out of my (albeit sexy and delicious) ass, but last night I watched poor Jack get poked in the eye with a cock.

Gives a new meaning to JACK-ing off!

Oh, it was a veritable parade of fruit fucking last night! Mr. Melon-cock (as he introduced himself to me) began his romantic interlude with a watermelon (he said he got some really good suction from that one!), and he then defiled a cantaloupe.

For the finale, he produced Jack. Poor Jack looked quite surprised to find himself in such a predicament, and his round-mouthed “Oh shit” expression just made Mr. Melon-cock more determined to give him a good fucking right in his little mouth hole.

As you know, I rarely write about my callers, even though many of you attention whore stroker boys beg me to immortalize your kink here on my blog. Mr. Melon-cock was so hilarious, however, I just had to.

Do you have a creative place you love to stick your cock while you masturbate?

Comment below and tell me all about your perverse masturbation methods.

I’m still waiting for a client to call me and answer “yes” to my question, “Do you have a banana?”

I know you think you know what I’m going to tell my client to do with that banana, given that I’m our resident anal phone sex mistress here at LDW, but you’d be WRONG. A banana has too many poky things that might make anal penetration uncomfortable.

Still can’t imagine what I’d make you do with a banana?

Then get a banana and give me a call. I’ll be more than happy to tell you what I’ll make you do with it then! 😉 Just get ready to have a delicious (in so many ways) ooey gooey messy hot orgasm.

Sounds yummy, doesn’t it?