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I know you think your penis is awesome, and you’d like nothing more if I loved it as much as you do.

But you and I know better than that. Your penis is not awesome; your penis is a problem. However, it’s not my problem. It’s not my responsibility. Frankly, if your penis wasn’t such a tool for my benefit, I’d prefer to forget you have one.

Since you’ll NEVER forget you have a penis, and therefore neither will I, here are three reasons your penis is not my problem:

  1. Your penis makes you stupid, and a stupid man is just not very interesting. That’s right, when you pull out your dick and start playing with it, I pretty much start yawning. You’re just a dickhead who should know better. But you do not know better, do you? Your eyes glaze over and you (and your penis) start drooling. *yawn* So boring!
  2. You can’t keep your hands off of it. Need I say more? If you could get away with it, you’d walk around with your hand in your pants all the time. You’re rubbing it on the drawer of your desk at work, you’re jerking off in the shower, you’re playing with it when you should be getting something productive done. It’s pathetic! Frankly, I pity you.
  3. Your penis is ugly. Now, I have to qualify this one. I have actually seen some NICE penises in my tenure here at LDW. Three of them. When you think about how many penises I’ve seen in the 8 years I’ve been your Mistress, 3 nice penises isn’t a great record. (And you’re wondering if–no, actually you’re convinced–yours was one of the 3 penises I liked, aren’t you? *sigh* See #1.)

Need I say more? A submissive, needy man with a drippy dick isn’t something I get all excited over.

Now, before you pout, let me tell you what DOES get me all excited: using your penis against you. See, all of those reasons above do not make your penis my problem, but they also mean that your penis is quite the problem for YOU.

I like it when your penis is a problem for you, because that makes you fun to play with. Fun to control. Fun to humiliate.

So don’t be sad I don’t get all creamy and wet thinking about hopping on your cock and taking it for a ride. You can get me hot in OTHER ways. You just have to learn your place and stay there.

If you’re reading this, I know you’re also thinking about calling me. Your cock is hard, and it’s either in your hand, or making a wet spot in your pants. What are you waiting for? Call me now! 🙂